The word ‘gender’ is often used to indicate a person’s ‘sex’. But what is gender, and why do we only recognise two ‘kinds’ of it (male/female) in language? This language and our culture limit our ability to describe the variety that is naturally present. We are assigned a gender at birth, although in recent years, this no longer invariably happens when a person’s gender is unclear.

In addition to thinking in terms of a limited variety of genders, you may feel confronted with a hetero-normative mindset. The term hetero-normative may be used to express that we have grown up in a world with a very simple perspective: there are men and there are women, and they can engage in a relationship with one another. Plain and simple, and incidentally, taken for granted in this perspective. Similar to the way fish don’t question the nature of water; it’s simply always there.

Fortunately, knowledge and visibility are increasing, and openness about a world that isn’t quite so digital and consists of more than ones and zeroes is spreading. And so, too, is openness about being born and raised as a boy or a girl, but having feelings that are inconsistent with that upbringing.

‘Who are you?’ generally isn’t the easiest question to answer. But it is an important question.

After all, there are a lot of things that you are not, and so you would like to clarify that somehow. Your environment often insists on an answer as well. Sometimes directly, sometimes in subtle ways by conveying agreement and disagreement.

The advantage to identity is a certain clarity regarding who you think you are. Its disadvantage is that it can anchor you, which doesn’t work for everyone. In such cases it can be helpful to talk about fluidity to indicate that identity, too, is merely a changeable label. This provides leeway, but at times also ambiguity.

There are multiple factors that contribute to the questions you may have. You may not know what applies to you.

Who am I, which lifestyle suits me? How do I meet like-minded people? How do I engage in a relationship, and with whom? It’s also possible that you know who is right for you, but your environment reacts to it in a problematic way. How do you handle that? If you, after having felt very deeply what is right for you, choose to change your gender, you will often go through an intense (medical) process of acceptance and transformation.

LGBTQI is short for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer/Questioning, Interested.

There are many other forms and expressions of sexuality. The reason this initialism is used, is to indicate that there are people who ask questions, who are open to alternatives to hetero and male/female, and who as a result are ‘different’. What can be helpful with being different, is becoming aware, which obviously can be helpful in other domains of your life too. Otherwise, it can confuse you, agitate you or even make you feel sad having to feel different if you did not choose to be who you are and what you feel. Therapy can be a place for relfection, to become more aware and to seperate what feelings and thoughts are you and yours and which ones come from the outside world.

As long as there are no people who have a problem with being different, being different isn’t problematic.

However, the voices of many people can make a large impression. You can be troubled by the world’s opinions, even though you, as an LGBTQI person, tend to be strong, have the courage to explore and do things your way, and have your own interpretation of life, friendships, relationships etc.

And in some cases you can have doubts and not be sure about ‘what’ you are. You’d like to know. Is your environment opposed to ‘difference’? Sinteze can help you deal with that in finding the appropriate relation with the world and yourself.